Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
