So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
