You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
