just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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