You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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