I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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