yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize