btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
well you can't waste a boner
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
