I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
