Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
