There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
