True but thats because hes a fetus.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
