we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
