Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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