I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize