I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
