Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
