He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
