when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize