I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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