Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
