So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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