So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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