on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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