you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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