so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
