He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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