How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
