I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
