I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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