His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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