You're my little dorito
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
