Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
