Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
