i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize