in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
