dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
