Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
