He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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