NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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