It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
