Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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