We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
