just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
