You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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