Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
