well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
