you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
