Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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