so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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