I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
