I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
