yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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