Only a mothe r could love this liver
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
