Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
