We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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