Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
