Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
