No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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