i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
