R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
